Gruesome Things that Grow on Your Body

You might not realise it but the average male body is a veritable allotment for all sorts of unwanted bugs, growths and assorted fungi. Here are 10 nasties that might be growing on you right now - and how to weed them out of your life.

Athlete's foot
You don't have to be a 2012 hopeful to suffer from athlete's foot. An easily transmitted fungal infection it thrives in warm, dark, damp places and once contracted causes a nasty itch between the toes, redness and cracked, blistered skin.

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Since the fungal spores are normally picked up from surfaces you touch with your bare feet you can minimise your chances of picking it up by wearing flip-flops in changing rooms and around pools. Drying your feet properly (especially between the toes) and changing socks regularly (they're not meant to be worn until they can stand up by themselves) helps too. If you do think you've been infected, treat with an anti-fungal cream like Daktarin Gold.

Verrucae
A verruca is basically a wart found on the foot caused by the human papilloma virus - a contagious bug that gets passed on via infected skin flakes.

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Verrucae are harmless but are extremely painful if you get one on the heel or ball of your foot

Though harmless, they can be painful if you get one on a weight-bearing area such as the ball or the heel of the foot. Look out for cauliflower-shaped warts, often with little black dots that appear on the feet.

There's no sadder sight than a man in a verruca sock so to dodge them avoid walking barefoot in communal showers or changing rooms and don't share towels. Kids are especially prone to them so take extra care around swimming pools. Thankfully, verrucae often disappear on their own but stubborn ones can be treated with over-the-counter products like Bazuka Gel.

Dandruff
It's thought that 50% of us suffer from dandruff at some point in our lives courtesy of a tiny fungus called Malassezia globosa which happily lives on all of us but multiplies out of control in some people, irritating the skin and causing it to flake. Triggers for this overgrowth are thought to include stress, changes in environment or poor diet.

To stay flake-free cut back on junk food (salt, fat and sugar are all thought to be triggers) and treat your scalp with a shampoo like Nizoral which contains the anti-fungal agent ketoconazole. Research has shown that men with outdoor jobs tend to get less dandruff so a blast of fresh air may help too.

Dental plaque
Plaque is formed from a combination of food particles and bacteria that colonise the surface of your teeth. The bacteria feed on the food, inadvertently producing an acid that erodes your tooth enamel, leading to all kinds of dental woes. Leave it and it hardens to form tartar which only a dentist can remove.

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Thorough brushing is the best way to keep dental plaque in check

Good brushing is the best way to keep plaque in check (always brush for the dentist-recommended two minutes at a time) and by flossing, which removes plaque between the teeth. Since plaque also forms just below the gumline it's important to floss here too by gently pushing the floss downwards.

Genital warts
Caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV), genital warts are England's most common STI and are most common in men aged 20-24. They're transmitted by vaginal and anal sex and, scarily, can take up to a year to rear their (literally) ugly little heads.

Looking for warts on your partner's genitals may limit your chances of contracting them (if not buy you points for romance) but the virus can be transmitted even when they're not apparent so using a condom is the only way to reduce your chances of infection. If you do spot something akin to a tiny cauliflower growing down below get yourself to the nearest GUM clinic where they can be treated with topical creams, freezing and laser treatment.

Thrush
If you thought thrush was something only women with sweaty tights suffered from think again. The yeast-like candida albicans fungus (are you seeing a pattern here?) which causes it can affect men too. It occurs naturally and harmlessly on the body, happily coexisting with us, but can sometimes multiply out of control.

Thrush can sprout up on the body, in the mouth or on the head of the penis and is treated with medication or anti-fungal creams. If you're overweight, dieting can help too as the fungus can thrive in between folds of skin.

Ringworm
Yet another fungal infection rather than an actual worm, ringworm forms ring-shaped patches on the scalp or elsewhere on the body.

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Ringworm is spread by contact with humans or animals and is difficult to dodge entirely

Ringworm is usually diagnosed by sight or by taking a scraping for analysis and once confirmed can be treated with topical anti-fungal creams. It's difficult to dodge it entirely, given that it's spread by contact with humans or animals.

Jock itch
Sometimes mistaken for a nasty sweat rash, jock itch is actually caused by the tinea fungus which grows in the moist folds in your groin and around your upper thighs, causing an embarrassing itch, redness and an irritating rash.

To minimise the chances of jock itch avoid tight pants (what are you doing wearing tangas anyway?), steer clear of synthetic fibres and always dry yourself thoroughly after showering. Because fungi often thrive on damaged or irritated skin, avoiding harsh, cheap soaps can help too. Treat with Lamisil 1% Cream, available from chemists.

Moles
Moles are small bumps formed of skin pigment cells called melanocytes. Some are present at birth but others grow over time as we get older, often in response to sun exposure. Most are harmless but it's important to get to know what yours usually look like because changes in them could indicate the presence of cancer.

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Get to know your moles - changes in them could indicate the presence of cancer

Look out for any changes in size, colour, texture or for itchiness and bleeding. And don't forget ones in difficult to spot places - like on the top of your head. If in doubt see your GP or get a mole check at a mole clinic (for more info see www.themoleclinic.co.uk).

Skin tags
Skin tags (aka cutaneous papillomas) are those annoying little flaps of skin that appear as we hit middle age, often on the eyelids, neck, chest, groin or armpits.

Since they're harmless, doctors are often reluctant to lop them off but if they're unsightly, causing irritation or snagging on that medallion you insist on wearing ask them about removal. Some clinics (like The Knightsbridge Laser Clinic) also offer skin tag removal. Hacking at them yourself with a pair of scissors is not recommended.